An eg. of The Thought Process of Tuuli

I have been thinking for a while that I need to write a new post before the dust begins to gather on this blog. I wasn’t sure exactly what to write though, as a lot has happened and most of it is difficult to put into words that are worth reading.

Still, I suppose I could write a brief overview of a few things.

One of the biggest things to happen has been the marriage of my best friends to one of the coolest guys out there (I know he’s cool, I spent 20 minutes moving his two BMX bikes from one room to the other, as well as his computer racing wheel and pedal controls. Plus he does rock climbing and stuff.) So the wedding went off without a hitch, no problems, and it was all so fun. Hats off to the best man to at least knowing what was happening all the time, I think I just went with the flow most of the time. I can’t wait to see how the rest of their lives turn out, there’s going to be exciting stuff out there!

This past week has led me to some interesting thoughts. Now, let me explain how my thought process works: it’s very random, often ideas sparked off by seemingly unrelated things, and usually no one else can understand why I come to the conclusions that I do. And, sometimes, those conclusions, when thought through once more, are not as intelligent or reasonable as they first appeared. But anyway, here’s the latest process of thought I have had:

So a few weeks ago one of my main focuses has been to see and learn how I can serve others and show them more of Jesus in me. Which is a seemingly great idea, but I found it incredibly difficult and I often failed.

Fast forward to last week, when the fan on my laptop began to buzz and sound a bit croaky. I decided to book an appointment at the Apple store to have it seen to, and when the day came I gave my computer a light dusting and then looked at the wallpaper on the desktop to decide exactly what to put up there.

Now, usually, there’s some beautiful scenery or such like that I enjoy looking at when my computer first boots up and the screen has yet to be  crowded by opened windows everywhere. But I found myself in a spiritual quandary – do I put up the usual pretty picture, or dig up the wallpapers I made a few years back that feature verses (quite prominently, too) that had inspired me? The question was, in essence, this: do I go for the subtlety of God’s creation or the unconcealed display of His Word? Or, to put it another way: Tuuli, are you embarrassed, or proud of your faith?

Now I’m sure there are many who would pick up on this as a very important point and who would now go on to describe the lesson learned from this realisation. But this is Tuuli-world here, and this new-found knowledge is not the point. No, the story continues:

So I chose a Word wallpaper that looked the nicest and headed into town for my appointment (which, halfway there, I realised was not that day at all, but the next day, and so I had to cancel it and have yet to have my fan seen to).

Fast-forward to yesterday when I was in Sunday worship and really thinking about a lot of things, tons of things, and my mind and my heart were being pressed down by all these things and I really knew that prayer was the only release – not to pray, but to be prayed for. I know there might not be a difference for some, but for me being prayed for is a powerful thing, and often others have the words and the spirit or that gifting that I do not, so their prayers can speak to an issue that mine cannot. But that, again, is not the point. It was afterwards, as I sang, that the verse on that wallpaper that I had put up onto my laptop for an appointment that I missed following on from a fan problem that developed after a weekend of trying to pour out my life into others’ in response to a resolution I had made a few weeks earlier came into my head:

Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted.
Psalm 46:10

It just about knocked me off my feet! All this time I was concentrating on myself, on how I could serve, how I could love, how I could bless others, when I should have been thinking about how I could serve, love and bless God – I figure, and I think I’m right, that once I’ve gotten round to loving and blessing Him then the loving and blessing of others will all fall naturally into place.

And He will be exalted.

My gosh, I love my God. He’s got patience for even my hair-brained thinking.

Today, also, something was repeated to me in one of the sites I read:

Are you easily edified?

It took a long time, but somehow I have been edified. I hope I continue to be, but perhaps more easily. Wouldn’t that be a great description of ourselves to have?